Monday I had off. I needed to do something so important, my marriage depended on it. Buy the wife's Christmas presents. Sound simple enough, doesn't it? WRONG! This woman is really, really tough to buy for. I thought about it. Jewelry. Nice, but the good stuff is really expensive. Teddy Bears. Like buying tractors for my pop, I'm afraid to get a bear that she already has. Could go the Build-A-Bear Workshop route, but, no, that for another occasion. (I'm not saying jack right now. It'll ruin the surprise.) Gift cards. Been there. Underwear of the Month Club. Tempting. REALLY TEMPTING. But no. So with no ideas whatsoever, I jumped in Claudia, my trusty cigar smoke filled GMC Jimmy, and headed west. To Elizabethtown. And to destiny.
My itinerary went like this, go to the E-Town K-Mart, walk around, take the Harrisburg Pike down (maybe stopping on the way at different shops) and ending up at Park City Shopping Mall. There, I knew something would jump out at me to get her. Then, I would get it wrapped and wait for the wife (we had a Christmas party to go to). I'm chuggging along, smoking a cigar (I'll tell the story of Super Stogie Man in due time), and listening to The Transformers Movie Soundtrack. I guess you'd say, things are good for Mr. Dean Lamar Schaeffer. Of course, that's when fate decided, "Here comes Mr. Speed Bump!"
I get to the K-Mart of Destiny. I'm not too familiar with this K-Mart. I usually go to Lebanon to shop there. But not today. First things first. Call me a weiner (oh, wait, you can. that was my childhood nickname), but I head for the toy department. I always like to look at the toys, to see what is collectible. As I walk through the aisle, magic happened. Pure unadulterated MAGIC. "ATTENTION, ALL K-MART SHOPPERS! WE JUST GOT TWO NINTENDO WIIs IN. IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED IN PURCHASING THIS, PLEASE COME TO THE HOME ELECTRONIC DEPARTMENT. THE FIRST TWO CUSTOMERS WILL BE ABLE TO GET THIS NEW VIDEO GAME SYSTEM. THANK YOU!" My heart skipped a beat. I felt like I just graduated high school again. Destiny had arrived.
The Nintendo Wii (pronouced "we") was the latest system in videogames. Revolutionary in game play, it planned to change everything. The controller was motion sensitive. It could connect to a internet wireless hub. Most of all, you could download (for a price) every Nintendo, Sega Genesis, and Turbografix 16 games. (Those last two systems are long gone) On November 19th it was released. and sold out in five minutes at some stores. Friends (in TWO different states, mind you) waited hours for the Wii to be available. People on Ebay were selling it from $600 to $2000. The thing is only retailing at $250. I've been looking ever since it came out. I had almost given up and waited until the insanity of Christmas shopping season was over. But, that was before that fateful annoucement.
I started walking towards the main aisle. I had to get my bearings. I didn't know where the electronics department was. As I got to aisle, I turned the corner, and looked up. Lo, there it was! To the left. I walked right into it! I asked the clerk if they still had any. He looked at me and said "You're the first." A lady in her mid-twenties comes running down the aisle screaming "I WANT ONE, I WANT ONE!" "That's two! Boy, you gotta shake'm off with a stick." The woman and I proceeded to connect a high-five but failed until our sixth attempt.
Later, I'm walking out of the store, carrying a heavy bag, reaching for my cellphone. I had to call my wife. At first, she thought I was hurt or drunk in a gutter when I called. (Hey, I was excited...) She then realized what had happened. "Oh, Dean... You're silly."
Finally, to end this story, the Wii comes with a game called Wii Sports. Bowling is one of these games. I rolled a 146. Michelle on the other hand... rolled a 192. AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! p.s. - Peppered in this blog is pictures of the Wii and Michelle beating the tar out of me. YEA WIFE! Catch you on the flipside.
Next Time: What Did You Get For Christmas Little Girl?